Sometimes I feel like I should apologize (for who I am).

I am sorry I am a little neurotic and random.
I am sorry that I sometimes have a negative view on life.
I am sorry that I didn't do better in college and am now paying for it.
I am sorry that sometimes my low and high blood sugars control my mood.
I am sorry I suffer from depression, a deep silent killer that wears me down daily, I'm sorry.
I am sorry I wasn't strong enough to see as a teen that I was letting diabetes get the better of me, along with everything else that happened in those years.
I am sorry that I find it hard to manage my diabetes.
I am sorry that I am not better at it.
I am sorry that it can consume me on days and exhaust all of my being.
I am sorry that I detach myself from others because I feel they don't understand.
I am sorry that to the above statement I want to finish with the comment, "But, really, unless you're living it, you don't understand."
I am sorry I don't thank those close to me nearly enough for all your help and all you put up with. I'm working on that.
I am sorry my sister feels she will have to donate a kidney to me one day.
I am sorry my Mom cries when talking about the day I was diagnosed and the worry she feels for me every day.
I am sorry I feel so alone and can't reach out to those closest to me and mend that feeling.
I am sorry I never talked to anyone about it and still find it difficult to do so. I am sorry.

Please forgive me; for all this and any future errors or mistakes I may make. I am only a young woman, trying to find her place in this world and work with her disease. Late is better than never, right?


Shannon said...

No one is perfect and that's is what is so beautiful about being human. What a boring life you would have if everything were in perfect order and you behaved just so.

Embrace every single flaw you have. Sure, it's a good idea to improve upon things, but don't you dare apologize.

Sasha said...

A powerful and gutsy (is it the right spelling?) post. I think any diabetic can sign under it, well at least I would.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Great post. I can co-sign with just about each and every line.

Shelly said...

what a powerful entry. I do not personally have diabetes but I watch a little guy that does and he is such a trooper. I admire him so much as I do everyone else that suffers from this. Stay positive and keep learning all you can. Love the post, so open & honest.