A new chapter in my life is starting right now, and I have to admit I am completely terrified.
I needed to leave my full time job. I couldn't manage the stress anymore, and I was crying every other day because of something that would happen at work. It was not a place that made me feel fulfilled, or appreciated, or respected even. I began to doubt myself and my strengths as a person. Every day was an emotional battle where I would walk into work going, "What will happen today? What else I am not doing well enough?" It was bad. It makes me feel better about my decision to leave because having felt that way for a long time was exhausting and its relieving to know that after today (Wednesday) I won't have to feel that stress and pressure to be perfect anymore; I can be myself again.
I had thought this through for a long time and lined up a part time nursing assistant position at a nursing home not far from home. I am excited to start working as a CNA but also worried. As a part time CNA I do not qualify for health benefits at this nursing home.
I have always had health insurance. The places I worked for always offered it to employees and I always enrolled in it. There was a brief period of time when I did not have health insurance, but that was because I enrolled at the wrong time due to old enrollment material; a quick petition to our benefits coordinator solved that. I think all in all I went 45 days with out coverage and they were some of the most stressful days ever. I was so scared that one day I would run out of insulin and die. Right then and there, poof, no insulin, and you get a dead Amber. It was a silly fear, but so powerful none the less. I wonder if other diabetics feel the same ways at times.
Reguardless, I am still looking for a position with a company who will offer benefits to PT employees, but I am not sure how long it will take. With my current planning I am thinking 6 to 9 months. I have consulted with my endo, and filled all my prescriptions to the extent I am able to and am researching insulin assistance programs through Novo Nordisk, which I believe I will qualify for. I have so much extra pump supplies I think I am easily covered for 9 months with out needing new supplies. And I have slowly been buying extra test strips out of pocket as I have extra money now and will probably not have extra money later in the year. Oh yea, in addition to going from working 40 hours a week down to 8-16 hours a week I am also going to be earning a lot less per hour as a CNA. So I expect things to get tight pretty soon. But I have thought it though, I have planned for this. And reducing my work load will significantly help me this fall when I am in school full time to wrap up an associate in arts degree and the nursing pre-requisits. So in the end I know this will be for the best and I will end up okay. I am still scared though.
Even with all this planning and research and knowing that my endo has offered to give me vials if I need them and can just come pick them up if I call ahead; I am absolutely terrified. I keep getting the "What ifs?".
What if I get into a car accident?
What if I get the flu this winter?
What if I get an infection that wont go away?
What if I have a seizure and need medical assistance?
All these things, especially the seizure idea, scares me to my bones. Has anyone else done something this crazy? Knowingly gone with out medical coverage for an extended period of time?
I am making goals of working out more, eating much lower carb foods, and blogging more on this endeavor of working less, with out insurance. Heres to that, and knowing that this period in my life is not forever and always trying to remember that this too shall pass.
(hopefully sooner rather than later)