Figure it out 'til we get it right...

Spring has returned to Minnesota! Or so it seems... ;)

So my diabetes is doing good but for some odd fasting results mid-mornings. Let me tell you I am not a morning person, not even close. Luckily I don't ever have to be to work before 9am but I still have a varied start time due to the position I have in the call center. There I can start anywhere from 9am or as late as 1pm and be scheduled for 9 hours with an hour lunch (love that lunch, it keeps me sane!). Even having my shifts start at 9 or later though, I still don't find time for breakfast. The late start is mainly to ensure I get enough sleep (I tend to go to bed late).

This is a good and a bad thing, but for the time being I am saying its good and using it to try and ensure my morning basal rates are set correctly. Well, the rates seem to be great for when I am in bed and asleep. I guess that is just fine for the dawn effect, but the time after I get up but before noon concerns me. I seem to run a little low after the higher basal rate drops back down to my normal rate. My tests in the hours from 9 - noon are running as low as 53 and all the way up to 69. I know, such a range! It isn't from bolusing too much, because I am not eating until noon or later it seems, and my pump is at the normal rate starting at 7:00am.

That I think is the error. The dawn effect increased basal should probably stop before 7am, so I pushed it back to 5:30am and gave a little more than the normal from 5:30 - 7, just in case. We'll see how that turns out.

"How did my increased basal end up returning to normal so late?" I asked myself, and I think it was when MiniMed replaced my pump last month and I reset my settings myself. I am sure I set it incorrectly then, and since these lows aren't waking me up I didn't notice until I started testing the minute I woke up instead of when I finally sat down to eat or drink something.

"Oh, thats right," that little voice inside my head chimes in, "I changed it to last until 7 am because I wasn't getting up to exercise and before, when I was getting up, I had it end at 5." Niiice Amber...

Guess thats a sign I should start exercising again...or stop meddling with my basal rates.

Ha, fat chance!


A Negative Day

Today, I hate everything about diabetes. I hate the way it makes me sleep in when my blood sugar is high, I hate the way I am a little crabby the rest of the day from a high blood sugar. I hate that in order to feel as though I have any control over my life I have to use that damned glucometer multiple times a day to answer the ever changing question of how is my diabetes now?

I hate the way I am attached to a damn device 24/7. I hate that the cord on my pump is just a few inches too short for me to be able to navigate comfortably in my shower with out having a little tug at my stomach to warn me I'm at the end of my leash. Yes, I know I don't have to wear it in the shower, but I found that when ever I take my pump off for showering my sugars skyrocket an hour later. That happens even when I am exercising and I suspend the pump, an hour later its through the roof, whats with that?!? I learned that I really cant leave the pump on during my work out but Sarah's blog on starting it again before the end of a workout is a good idea that I also tried, but only once, and that time it was still high just not as high, only the low 200's. WTF?!?!

I hate that it seems like diabetes is the only thing I can somewhat "master" and it isn't what I want to master! I want to go back to school, but I've learned that in order for me to be in school diabetes needs to be in control, good control, and I need to be ready to handle the extra stress of caring for it, working, and taking classes.

I hate that I feel powerless by this damn disease. I hate that it feels like no one in my circle of friends and family understands.

Sigh, breathe deeply.

I just don't like it today. I don't. It makes me want to not test my blood sugar all weekend, as long as I can go with out testing provided I feel "okay". It makes me want to cry and stop talking, to just shut down. That's what I hate.

Sorry this is negative, I just had to get it out.