How did that happen?!?

I was at the wedding reception until about 11PM Friday night. I had a slight low of 72 with great tiredness around 9PM and treated it with regular root beer then nibbled on M&Ms the rest of the night before going home. I didn't test after treating the low, figuring that about 6 ounces of regular soda would cover it, and I didn't test before I went to bed at 12:30. Man, I was just super tired and exhausted and hadn't drank (but for a glass of wine for the toast) so I wasn't worried about my sugar dropping low again.

I should have known better when I woke up at 5AM needing to use the bathroom. As I opened my bedroom door I was physically startled by all the people in my living room and the photographers from the wedding were waiting for me to rise and open a new roll of toilet paper.

- click- click- click -

"Just act like we aren't here!" exclaimed photographer A as I stumbled, confused, into my bathroom.

Okay, I guess its always fun to have a sun rise shot of the maid of honor, in her PJs, opening a new roll of toilet paper for a wedding album. I think to myself. Wait...that makes NO SENSE.

I finish going to the bathroom and slowly open the bathroom door and again its as though the wedding reception was continuing in my living room. It isn't even my wedding!

Now I am getting scared. I stumble over to the sofa in my living room and sit down looking out the window at the rising sun. Its so pretty, I think to myself, I would want sunrise pictures in my wedding album. But Taylor wouldn't, I don't think, so what is going on? I sat there for a few more minutes until the people faded and my living room was vacant. Slowly, I begin to remember that before I awoke to use the bathroom I was dreaming about the wedding. Ahhh, that must have been why I was startled when I went to the bathroom, I wasn't fully awake. And with that conclusion I drifted back to bed.

Jason asks me, "Did you test?"

"Yea it was 138."

But I didn't test. In the dream before going to the bathroom I tested, because at the wedding I tested and it was 138.

An hour and a half later I am having another crazy dream with Jason, Krystle (my sister) trying to figure out what was wrong with me and Nick (Krystle's future fiance) coming downstairs to see whats wrong.

"Amber's having a seizure" she says.

Nick leaves.

Its all a dream, I think, its all a bad dream.

Jason and Krystle are trying to find my meter and get the test strips. The code is different on the meter than the test strip vial.

"Amber how do you change the code?"

It's really easy guys,"Use the arrows." I think or say or a combination of both (I later was told I only said what I put in quotes).

They figured out the code, and were ready to test my glucose. She asks me what finger I want them to use. I don't respond so she takes my ring finger from my left hand, it used to be the only finger I tested with until recently. As she readies the poker I tell her, "No," and switch to the new testing finger, my middle finger, on my left hand. I don't remember that part but I do remember the reading - 63.

Jeeze guys, thats fine! Just get me some juice. What was all the big fuss about?

Then something becomes more real to me.

"What just happened?"

"You had a seizure. We gave you Glucagon."

Krystle is reading the long instructions from the glucagon kit frantically and talking aloud about how she isn't sure if I am supposed to go to the ER or not; Jason looks a little irritated but calmer than he was in my crazy dream.

"It says she needs something with actual carbs in it so she doesn't drop low again." Krystle says then shes gone and what feels like a moment later she is handing me a glass of chocolate milk telling me, "Drink."

I don't remember getting the shot but I remember parts, why do I remember parts? Why isn't my tongue all bitten and swollen? How did that happen? None of it makes sense.

I am still very confused and conflicted about last Saturday morning. I have no idea how it happened. I can see where I made mistakes - not testing before bed, not testing when I got up at 5AM. But I still don't understand. I also don't understand why it didn't even occur to me to check my glucose when I went to the bathroom. Usually anytime I am woken up to use the bathroom I at least think of testing if not actually test for fear of something being wrong. But this time it never entered my mind. I don't know why I physically reacted to what I thought was my dream coming to life.

I don't know and its just so frightening.

Sigh...

On a MUCH lighter note I am in Salem, MA today and tomorrow and am just psyched!! More about that later!

A great weekend!!

I got to meet some of my fellow bloggers tonight!

Thank you Scott, Sara, Molly (and Dixie) for sharing the evening with me and swapping diabetic stories!

It was really cool to meet the authors of some of the blogs I like to read. I only feel sooooo bad about stepping on Dixie's tail! :( So sorry about that! Usually I am good about avoiding animals and not stepping on them; the thrill of meeting everyone in person must have distracted me too much.

Taylor's wedding went by so quickly and the day was wonderful and exhausting, pictures to follow. I had a bad low the following morning though that I plan to elaborate on later, I am still trying to work through it myself.

But otherwise this weekend was a total blast!!

Lets do another MN gathering for those who couldn't make it this time, I'm all for it! Oddly enough I haven't met many fellow diabetics and would love the chance to meet more. I think meeting Molly, Sara, and Scott doubled the number of T1 diabetics I have met in person to date. Okay, that isn't entirly true but this is the first time where I have actually felt like I know and will continue to know the peole I met (I went to Camp Needlepoint a looooong time ago but didn't make any D friends that I am still in touch with, or that I even cared to continue to know outside of camp...).

I have a question that I intended to ask the OC group tonight but forgot to so I'll toss it out there to the web: as a diabetic what do you do about drinking alcohol? Do you find it easiest to just avoid it all together? Or do you just test like crazy while drinking? At the wedding this past Friday there were many people drinking, and because I didn't want to risk running low and missing out on any part of the event I just avoided drinking. This conclusion got me many a raised eye brow questioning my logic. While I understand my logic, and I am fine with it, I wanted to know what others do about celebrations where alcohol is consumed and some other tactics than always being the sober cab. So, what works for you when consuming alcohol?? Let me know. :D

Size does matter!

So I usually fill my Rx for BD test strips every 6 - 8 weeks and it was going on about 7 weeks since my last refill and I was running desperately low on test strips. So I called my pharmacy, placed the order and was told they would have it by Tuesday. Yesterday rolls around and I go in, pick up my large bag of test strips briefly wondering why the bag was even bulkier than usual. I shrugged it off. Well, time to start a new vial of test strips and I open my bulky bag taking note that the boxes of test strips are a lot larger now and no longer in the shape of a cube.

Strange, I think but again set this thought aside. That is until I am opening the new BD test strip box and notice that it only says 50 strips instead of 100 like before. And sure enough, instead of 4 cube shaped boxes there are eight rectangular boxes.

Odd, why would they make larger boxes? Then the little red circle catches my eye..."New larger vial!" is printed on the front of the box. My heart sinks then my temperature rises when I am done opening the box.

Are you kidding me?!?!?!!

Not only is the vial larger, its triple the size of the previous vials! The new vial can hold the old vial inside of it! Look!

Its like a damn pill bottle!! Its HUGE!!!
Okay, I understand, a lot of elderly people and children are using these products and with the old, smaller vial people couldn't get their fingers inside to get the strip out; I remember thinking that too when I got the meter with the pump in December of 2005. Then I grew to love, absolutely adore the smaller test strip vial because I could easily carry an extra one with me in my purse, gym bag, pocket wherever, with no worry of how much space its taking up. I became to appreciate that my test strips were more discrete like my pump and not taking injections. Not anymore!

I am sure this is for the best of most patients who use BD meters and the MiniMed Paradigm meter, but I am still displeased by the change. I mean...Its obnoxiously big now. It doesn't fit the old case that my meter was in, the case is designed for the smaller vial (notice the obscene vial above and blocking where the strip needs to go for a fresh test and sample).

Fortunately, BD foresaw this problem and are shipping me a new meter case and 50 free strips in the new, insanely large vial. I'm thinking that with a larger vial is an even larger case...I may need a new purse, my current purse barely fits all my "purse" and diabetes things!

I'll just stash my meter in my adult diaper bag with my granny panties, thank you! Who needs a normal sized purse when you have diabetes? Sheesh...

Can I have a new report card please?

I am tired today, not necessarily of diabetes but just in general. Over the last year after my A1c was more "normal" than it had been in over 9 years, I started noticing a new trend with symptoms of high glucose: I can't fall asleep if my sugar is too high or don't sleep nearly as well. Does anyone else have highs keeping them oddly awake or preventing a good sleep? Well, I am assuming that because I have better control over my glucose and a better A1c than I did for most of my adolescent and early twenties years that this is the only reason I am noticing this now (greeaaaat) .

For some odd reason it is very easy for me to let my sugars run too high or higher than ideal while I am asleep. I can't even remember the last time I actually woke up in the middle of the night just to test my glucose, and I only test it late if I happen to be awake which usually means I am out drinking with friends or I'm awake because it is high.

The latter explanation is why I am tired today. This week (or month) I have been slacking on tight glucose control before and during bed and now I am tired from letting my glucose sit around 200 for long enough to prevent a normal bed time last night. Since it was 1 am I decided to confirm the high and sure enough - 207. I was awake another hour when I finally just resisted the urge to fidget and forced my self to lie down in bed and breathe deeply. For fun I gave myself a quick bolus of 1 unit hoping it would help me fall asleep sooner.

Sigh. I don't know why I do that; I am good about testing when I wake up, before I eat, when I am out, before I drive but its as though once 9 or 10 PM rolls around my mind and body resist doing what I know I need to do and I slack.

One "good" thing came out of my high-insomnia last night: I uploaded my meters and pump to the MiniMed CareLink site for the first time since...oh far too long! And rediscovered just how fun it is to be able to run all those reports about trends or daily carb use, or pretty much anything you can think of it can generate, I mean its really cool! In all my excitement I sent an email to my doctor to let him know that I finally did it and asked if he wanted me to print certain reports for my appointment next week or what he preferred. He responded this morning with what to do and then the last line of his email was "Your A1c was 6.9 - FYI" ( I had gone in for the blood work last week for my appointment with my Endo next week).

I am pleased with this result but a little disheartened because it is up a small bit from last February and I bet its because of the night time highs and my unmotivated attempts to fix/control/prevent them.

I'll tell you what it is about this most recent A1c result - its a damn grade, and because I did better on the same "test" three months ago I feel as though I failed it this time. So silly, I know. But its true. I will admit I thought it was a little higher from noticing the increased restless nights since February but I also hoped that I was wrong.

I am glad to hear this today versus next Thursday and be bummed about it the entire day and the following day, which just won't do because its Taylor's rehearsal dinner and wedding next Thursday and Friday; I wouldn't want the damn grade ruin it for me, so there is a positive about that last sentence of his email.

So, one week until the actual Endo appointment where I am sure we will talk of the lack of bed time testing, the rehearsal dinner, and Taylor's wedding!! No matter how tired I am, I am not too tired for enthusiasm about that!!

Catching Up

Its been a long time since my last post, I know. I am not sure why, or rather there are a lot of excuses why but I don't think they are worth regurgitating here. Needless to say, its been a while. BUT man has a lot been going on!

So Jason and I have been better lately and we went on a weekend trip to Chicago the last weekend in April. That was fun, I had only been to Chicago once before when I was 16 so it was a nice chance to revisit it as an "adult". We were mainly around Andersonville, Lakeville and Wicker Park while there. Its very ... classic urban. I think of the Grand area in MN only more crowded! On Sunday we walked over to Lake Michigan from Chris and Amber's (Jason's friends who we went to visit) apartment and walked out on to a little pier.

Seeing the expanse of Lake Michigan was very refreshing and made me want to see Lake Superior again. In fact it makes me want to visit all of our Great Lakes!

Its a little sad to think that I have only seen two of the five Great Lakes. That amazing Discovery Channel mini-series, Planet Earth, has consumed me and made me aware of how little I have seen, and of all the amazing things to see on our planet the most accessible are the Great Lakes. So, that's a new little wish of mine, to see the great lakes before I turn ... 30. That seems do-able, no?

Then this month has been consumed with Mothers Day, helping my sister watch the boys while she studied for her finals, and helping Taylor with the preparation for her wedding on June first (scream!). Taylor is my best friend who I have known for going on twelve years (since 7th grade) and she is getting married. There was a lot of drama around this wedding initially but I think it is now smoothing out. Let me tell you, before Taylor's wedding I had never helped anyone with wedding planning and I kind of like it. It seems so fun! As a little girl I think I was one of the few who never thought of her wedding and what it would be like. I only started doing that this year while helping Taylor with hers so this a whole new world to me.

There are a lot of people getting married! The weekend after Taylor's wedding Jason's other close friend, Luke, is getting married and we are flying out to Boston (YAY!!!) for his wedding. I am PSYCHED for that trip; I have had a long distance love affair with Boston since I was a little girl. I think it was from doing a very long report on the Boston Tea-Party in the second grade that did it for me. That and being a historic city on the East Coast I think did it for me long ago and now I get to see it! We are flying out Wednesday the 6th of June and returning Monday June 11th so we can do some touring and sight seeing before and after Luke and Jennifer's wedding. As much as I am thrilled to be visiting Boston, I am more excited to see the ocean. If anyone has some suggestions for where good sites are in the Boston area please send them over, because neither Jason or I really know where to go (aside from the things listed in tourist guides but even with those, which place is actually interesting or amazing?).

The only other thing that has consumed my time the last four weeks is the fact that my car needs the head gasket replaced along with a few other things and now I need a second job to pay for the repairs. But I will be doing that search once the weddings are over with.

And about my diabetes? It has been well. I had blood work yesterday for my three month check up, and my thyroid because last February I guess my thyroid tested a little off, and I am meeting with my doctor May 31st. I feel good about my diabetes lately although, anytime I am mildly more active in my day my blood sugar drops so fast!

Like last night, Jason and I were organizing the downstairs in the town home ("my" area) and after re-arranging and cleaning for a couple hours by blood sugar dropped to 54! I wasn't even doing much just walking around and putting things away and moving furniture (which wasn't difficult at all) and man it just hit me. The only way I knew something was wrong was I had a pounding headache and one minute later was unable to decide what hanger to use for a tee shirt or if I should just fold it and put it in the dresser, not a big deal either way, and that was the sign that something wasn't right. I couldn't decide what to do with a shirt, sorta funny, sorta sad. Also our time in Chicago reminded me of this too because we did a lot of casual walking, and I didn't think it would effect my sugar but it did.

When I think of activities that lower my blood sugar I think of a strenuous walk, dancing, exercising, or lifting a lot of heavy items, but I don't think of those little things like just being on your feet for hours at a time. Good thing I learned this now versus the day of Taylor's wedding! Now I know that I should lower my basal rate for those busy "on your feet" days as I am sure that is bound to be one.

There it is in a nut shell. I am trying to take more time to blog more frequently although with the next three weeks being so jam-packed and then probably working an additional 20 - 25 hours each week after returning from Boston...all I can say is I'm going to try. I still read other peoples blogs because being in a call center that is one thing to do between calls but I can't easily post a blog of my own while at work. And again, if any of you know good, cheap, places to visit in Boston or good sites to view the ocean please let me know!!

Figure it out 'til we get it right...

Spring has returned to Minnesota! Or so it seems... ;)

So my diabetes is doing good but for some odd fasting results mid-mornings. Let me tell you I am not a morning person, not even close. Luckily I don't ever have to be to work before 9am but I still have a varied start time due to the position I have in the call center. There I can start anywhere from 9am or as late as 1pm and be scheduled for 9 hours with an hour lunch (love that lunch, it keeps me sane!). Even having my shifts start at 9 or later though, I still don't find time for breakfast. The late start is mainly to ensure I get enough sleep (I tend to go to bed late).

This is a good and a bad thing, but for the time being I am saying its good and using it to try and ensure my morning basal rates are set correctly. Well, the rates seem to be great for when I am in bed and asleep. I guess that is just fine for the dawn effect, but the time after I get up but before noon concerns me. I seem to run a little low after the higher basal rate drops back down to my normal rate. My tests in the hours from 9 - noon are running as low as 53 and all the way up to 69. I know, such a range! It isn't from bolusing too much, because I am not eating until noon or later it seems, and my pump is at the normal rate starting at 7:00am.

That I think is the error. The dawn effect increased basal should probably stop before 7am, so I pushed it back to 5:30am and gave a little more than the normal from 5:30 - 7, just in case. We'll see how that turns out.

"How did my increased basal end up returning to normal so late?" I asked myself, and I think it was when MiniMed replaced my pump last month and I reset my settings myself. I am sure I set it incorrectly then, and since these lows aren't waking me up I didn't notice until I started testing the minute I woke up instead of when I finally sat down to eat or drink something.

"Oh, thats right," that little voice inside my head chimes in, "I changed it to last until 7 am because I wasn't getting up to exercise and before, when I was getting up, I had it end at 5." Niiice Amber...

Guess thats a sign I should start exercising again...or stop meddling with my basal rates.

Ha, fat chance!

A Negative Day

Today, I hate everything about diabetes. I hate the way it makes me sleep in when my blood sugar is high, I hate the way I am a little crabby the rest of the day from a high blood sugar. I hate that in order to feel as though I have any control over my life I have to use that damned glucometer multiple times a day to answer the ever changing question of how is my diabetes now?

I hate the way I am attached to a damn device 24/7. I hate that the cord on my pump is just a few inches too short for me to be able to navigate comfortably in my shower with out having a little tug at my stomach to warn me I'm at the end of my leash. Yes, I know I don't have to wear it in the shower, but I found that when ever I take my pump off for showering my sugars skyrocket an hour later. That happens even when I am exercising and I suspend the pump, an hour later its through the roof, whats with that?!? I learned that I really cant leave the pump on during my work out but Sarah's blog on starting it again before the end of a workout is a good idea that I also tried, but only once, and that time it was still high just not as high, only the low 200's. WTF?!?!

I hate that it seems like diabetes is the only thing I can somewhat "master" and it isn't what I want to master! I want to go back to school, but I've learned that in order for me to be in school diabetes needs to be in control, good control, and I need to be ready to handle the extra stress of caring for it, working, and taking classes.

I hate that I feel powerless by this damn disease. I hate that it feels like no one in my circle of friends and family understands.

Sigh, breathe deeply.

I just don't like it today. I don't. It makes me want to not test my blood sugar all weekend, as long as I can go with out testing provided I feel "okay". It makes me want to cry and stop talking, to just shut down. That's what I hate.

Sorry this is negative, I just had to get it out.