So the day was going well. I got up on time, got to work on time, actually ate a breakfast, didn't have any highs or lows, got out of work early with time to study for my bio test, watched an interesting video in class, went home enjoying my ipod and decided to put some new music on it.
Then comes the anger, Where the hell is my USB cable for the ipod? This cable has been floating around the sea of my purse for at least a week, I saw it just this morning! Now when I need it, its nowhere to be found. What. The. Hell?!?
I am not the most organized person in the world mind you. When I loose something I often say that the missing item is "lost in the abyss of my car" because there is so much stuff in my trunk and back seat (even passenger seat some days when I am packing an overnight bag). Its a little unorganized right now because everything was thrown about when I had to suddenly break for some idiot who decided to turn left in front of me when I was going nearly 40 miles an hour and just entering the intersection. It was a scary stop but I was safe just jumbled, as was everything in my car. I know I know, I shouldn't have so much stuff in my car and should spend a good amount of time cleaning it out. I think I have a bag of 9 or 10 paperback books in my back seat that I have intended to shelve for the last few weeks, but its still there, books a skew now in my back seat, some on the floor of the car.
Either way, the point is that I tend to misplace things often either in my car or my huge purse that I carry for all my diabetes crap. When I can't find something I have had with me for a while in either place I begin to get upset. It used to be, years ago, that when I lost or misplaced something I had my whole apartment, bag and purse to search and I feel that I've gotten better at keeping things in place, even when their place isn't organized at least I know where it is.
A part of me questions if the damn cable would have even been with me if I didn't carry such a big purse and then it turns to simmering thoughts to diabetes because I really did buy the purse for that very reason - to carry more diabetes supplies with out feeling everything could fall out any moment. That and when I get upset either my blood sugar rises or my anger is all the quicker to flare because blood sugars aren't ideal.
And this little gizmo is new for me; I've only had it one month and used that cable maybe three times. I don't want to loose it and actually have to see how irresponsible and unorganized my life is despite how hard I try to keep it organized and stay responsible.
And maybe that's the root of my anger right now. I feel like I spend so much time thinking about my day and planning my day for work, school, diabetes, and general life that when something as simple as a cord going missing happens it just gives me more shit to think about. Did I only think I saw it in my purse? Did I leave it at Jason's? At work? Did it fall out when I was walking through my work? Or even worse when I was on campus this afternoon and evening? Did someone take it when I wasn't looking? Or am I just not seeing it?
sigh. Its silly I know. Silly that simple things can cause such a interruption of my night and that I let it get to me. For now I will just have to resign my self to the fact that the cable isn't with me, and I will need to be patient with myself in finding it. Until then I can use CDs or listen to the songs I have on the ipod already.
Its so easy to do that with loosing a USB cbale! You should see me when I misplace something important like my glucometer. Oh man, keeping me calm is nearly impossible at those times and I really do end up searching everywhere just in case, like in the old days. Thank God this isn't something crucial!