Okay so maybe I don't hate it all the time but right now I am not too pleased. So I go to work out with a starting blood sugar of 231. Great, I can push myself and not suspend the pump. Usually that's how it goes any way. I start in the 200's and end in the low 100's after a cardio.
So, today I feel extra motivated and do a full 60 minute workout. I feel a little shaky and am thinking I went too long and dropped my sugar low. Testing to confirm, I get a strange result of 223. Ok, I think, that's strange. Maybe there is something on my hands, so I wash them. Test again.
262. WHAT? Test again.
264. The nausea kicks in and I want to throw up. I have that nice metal taste in my mouth too.
I know that what probably happened is that doing a longer work out than usual stimulated my liver to secrete the evil glycogen to help my exercising muscles and that's why its high and seems to be climbing as I type. I know that this reaction is a good thing, it means my liver is working as it should. I however see it as an evil side effect. I wanted to have a great work out and feel great and have a lowered blood sugar too. Now I only get one of those goals and it doesn't seem as satisfying because of the high.
Irritating, right?
12.19.2008
12.13.2008
Long lost and now forever gone.
This isn't diabetes related, but I just need to talk about it somewhere. While I usually talk about my diabetes on this blog I am changing topics today because its just something I have to do.
I lost an old friend the other day, Andrew Elhard. His funeral was Friday in Jamestown, ND. I really wanted to go but felt it wasn't my place to attend. I hadn't talked to him in a really long time. I only knew him for a short time in high school, but when I did know him he was someone that kept me stable in my ever spinning world at the time.
I can remember my life slowly falling away and Andy was right there to keep me together. He helped me with any problems I was having with my dad, which was huge at the time. He was a friend to me when few others were. He introduced me to Joe Satriani and whenever I hear Satriani I think of Andy.
He was an amazing guitar player, I always wondered if he would ever end up in a big rock band one day.
The last contact I had with Andy was the summer of 2000. I don't remember what it was about, but I do remember it caused tension between me and my boyfriend then and now, Jason. Andy married a little less than two years later. I never met her and feel bad because of that. But I knew that he was someone who wanted to start a family and that is what he did with his wife. They have two children and as I just found out from his brothers blog a third on the way. I can see how happy he would have been because that is just what he wanted when I knew him.
The strangest part for me right now is that no one in my current life has any idea of how sad it is that Andy passed away. Yea, I haven't talked to him in years. But I still have family in Jamestown, and I had hoped one day while visiting to catch up with him, meet his wife and children. Say, "Thanks for being the friend you were to me when I really needed one." And now I can't. And that makes me very sad.
I can't imagine what his wife is going through, but my heart goes out to her and her children and to his parents and brother. All I can say is that he will not be forgotten. He really did leave a mark on every person he met and I was one of them.
Good Bye Andy.
His Obituary:
Andrew "Slayer" Elhard (February 17, 1982 - December 8, 2008) Guest Book Sign Guest Book Send Private Condolences Send Flowers
I lost an old friend the other day, Andrew Elhard. His funeral was Friday in Jamestown, ND. I really wanted to go but felt it wasn't my place to attend. I hadn't talked to him in a really long time. I only knew him for a short time in high school, but when I did know him he was someone that kept me stable in my ever spinning world at the time.
I can remember my life slowly falling away and Andy was right there to keep me together. He helped me with any problems I was having with my dad, which was huge at the time. He was a friend to me when few others were. He introduced me to Joe Satriani and whenever I hear Satriani I think of Andy.
He was an amazing guitar player, I always wondered if he would ever end up in a big rock band one day.
The last contact I had with Andy was the summer of 2000. I don't remember what it was about, but I do remember it caused tension between me and my boyfriend then and now, Jason. Andy married a little less than two years later. I never met her and feel bad because of that. But I knew that he was someone who wanted to start a family and that is what he did with his wife. They have two children and as I just found out from his brothers blog a third on the way. I can see how happy he would have been because that is just what he wanted when I knew him.
The strangest part for me right now is that no one in my current life has any idea of how sad it is that Andy passed away. Yea, I haven't talked to him in years. But I still have family in Jamestown, and I had hoped one day while visiting to catch up with him, meet his wife and children. Say, "Thanks for being the friend you were to me when I really needed one." And now I can't. And that makes me very sad.
I can't imagine what his wife is going through, but my heart goes out to her and her children and to his parents and brother. All I can say is that he will not be forgotten. He really did leave a mark on every person he met and I was one of them.
Good Bye Andy.
His Obituary:
Andrew "Slayer" Elhard (February 17, 1982 - December 8, 2008) Guest Book Sign Guest Book Send Private Condolences Send Flowers
Andrew Tice Elhard "Slayer", 26, Jamestown, North Dakota, died Monday, December 8, 2008 at Jamestown Hospital.
Andrew was born February 17, 1982 in Jamestown, the son of Jevon "Chevy" and Lori (Koon) Elhard. He attended schools in Jamestown, and graduated in 2000. He worked at various jobs, and met Jennifer Bjornson. They were married at his parent's home on March 17, 2002. He loved to play guitar, and to be surrounded by his family and friends. He attained second degree purple belt in karate. His current jobs were black jack dealing for the Buffalo Foundation and working at Super Pumper.
Andrew is survived by his wife, Jennifer; daughter, Adia Lynn; son, Bain, all of Jamestown; his parents, Jevon and Lori Elhard, Jamestown; and half-brother, Jeremiah Wehler, Richardson, TX. He was preceded in death by his paternal grandparents, Andrew and Ardena Elhard and his maternal grandparents, Virgil "Bud" and Eva Koon, all of Jamestown.
Funeral Service: 2:00 PM, Friday, December 12, 2008 at St. Paul's United Methodist Church, Jamestown, with Rev. Gary Ball-Kilborne and Pastor Bruce Adams officiating. Visitation: 1:00 to 8:00 PM, Thursday, December 11, 2008 at the Eddy Funeral Home in Jamestown, ND. Burial: Highland Home Cemetery, Jamestown, ND. In lieu of flowers, memorials preferred to Andrew's children. On line guestbook: http://www.eddyfuneralhome.com/
12.08.2008
6206 days
Yesterday was the 17th anniversary of being diagnosed with type one diabetes. I celebrated by having my car towed, working, and doing a weeks worth of dishes at home. Jason got guitar hero and cookies. Somehow this seems unfair. But that could be because I am tired.
The years haven't taken their toll on me yet. My A1c has definitely seen its ups and downs. But my kidneys are good, as are my eyes and toes. Lets hope that is the same outlook in another 17 years.
10.09.2008
Rant
I am unmotivated at the moment. And unable to fall asleep. Somehow I feel as though this is all tied to diabetes. Is it possible to go through multiple diabetes funks in a year? What about every other month?
Sometimes that is how it goes with my concern for diabetes care. One month I am on top of it and things are smooth sailing. And others just aren't. What if that lasts for more than a few weeks? What if it turns into MULTIPLE months where your diabetes care just isn't up to par? What does that mean?
I keep asking myself that. I keep wondering if others go for extended times where it just doesn't seem possible to keep caring about the CARE of diabetes. Checking, bolusing, re-checking, exercising, checking before, during, and after exercise, not wanting to exercise, not being able to exercise because of a low, not wanting to test, not wanting to eat because it means that you have to test, blous, and test again after 2 hours and maybe do a correction bolus or handle a low. Not wanting to worry and calculate all the individual steps that go into that damn sandwich because bread just so happens to have carbs and depending on what kind of bread that could mean A LOT of carbs or nothing too damaging. Calculating. I feel like I am calculating all the time for this damn disease and for working it into my life.
And always, every minute of the day its there. It doesn't go away; it doesn't take a break even when I am taking one. Yea, I may not want to test or cover for that latte or mocha, but an hour later I sure feel its effects and must do something about it. It seems like even coffee with a little creamer will cause a 60 point jump in my blood sugar, and I end up testing and correcting and spending more time and effort than had I just avoided the damn thing altogether. Is there nothing I can do that diabetes won't catch me at? Even not eating catches up with me and I end up low and resisting the juice because the thought of more juice makes my stomach churn some days.
I feel trapped and cornered. And I know how I got there. I put myself there. See, even when ranting about diabetes there is always that responsibility and guilt that comes with it. My actions dictate my control and my well being. Knowing that, why is it so f-ing hard to do the right actions by my health? I can come up with many excuses, and trust me there are many with all that is going on this semester with work, school and life, but all it boils down to is me. My actions, my care, my diabetes, my mistakes walked me into that corner, just me.
In an earlier post I set up some exercise goals which I am keeping, but it just seems to have caused even more of a diabetes constraint than not working out. I am beginning to feel defeated. I have no conclusions about this, about any of it. I can name a few options that are all very good and valid suggestions, none of which I am motivated to act on. And I am back, facing that corner turning between two walls and not realizing how to back out into normal again.
Sometimes that is how it goes with my concern for diabetes care. One month I am on top of it and things are smooth sailing. And others just aren't. What if that lasts for more than a few weeks? What if it turns into MULTIPLE months where your diabetes care just isn't up to par? What does that mean?
I keep asking myself that. I keep wondering if others go for extended times where it just doesn't seem possible to keep caring about the CARE of diabetes. Checking, bolusing, re-checking, exercising, checking before, during, and after exercise, not wanting to exercise, not being able to exercise because of a low, not wanting to test, not wanting to eat because it means that you have to test, blous, and test again after 2 hours and maybe do a correction bolus or handle a low. Not wanting to worry and calculate all the individual steps that go into that damn sandwich because bread just so happens to have carbs and depending on what kind of bread that could mean A LOT of carbs or nothing too damaging. Calculating. I feel like I am calculating all the time for this damn disease and for working it into my life.
And always, every minute of the day its there. It doesn't go away; it doesn't take a break even when I am taking one. Yea, I may not want to test or cover for that latte or mocha, but an hour later I sure feel its effects and must do something about it. It seems like even coffee with a little creamer will cause a 60 point jump in my blood sugar, and I end up testing and correcting and spending more time and effort than had I just avoided the damn thing altogether. Is there nothing I can do that diabetes won't catch me at? Even not eating catches up with me and I end up low and resisting the juice because the thought of more juice makes my stomach churn some days.
I feel trapped and cornered. And I know how I got there. I put myself there. See, even when ranting about diabetes there is always that responsibility and guilt that comes with it. My actions dictate my control and my well being. Knowing that, why is it so f-ing hard to do the right actions by my health? I can come up with many excuses, and trust me there are many with all that is going on this semester with work, school and life, but all it boils down to is me. My actions, my care, my diabetes, my mistakes walked me into that corner, just me.
In an earlier post I set up some exercise goals which I am keeping, but it just seems to have caused even more of a diabetes constraint than not working out. I am beginning to feel defeated. I have no conclusions about this, about any of it. I can name a few options that are all very good and valid suggestions, none of which I am motivated to act on. And I am back, facing that corner turning between two walls and not realizing how to back out into normal again.
9.16.2008
Kinky?
Okay, a little background information. I am not the greatest person when it comes to changing out my infusion sets EVERY three days. I don't go through a reservoir every three days, not even close. More like every five days, some times six. This morning when I woke up it was five and a half days on my current reservoir and infusion set. And that's just how it goes. Usually by day 5 I am getting the "low reservoir" alert and the effectiveness of the insulin isn't all that great but it still works.
Well this morning I woke up in complete body aches. I didn't know for sure what this was from because I had a strength training workout on Sunday and am still a little sore from it. So I drag myself out of bed and immediately reach for my thyroid medication and a cup of coffee. In typical bad Bamses habit I gather my books and head out the door to get to class. I can't be late for class, the professor yells when people come in late.
Kinked? Kinked? After 5 days, nearly 6 days and my site gets kinked? HUH??
Well this morning I woke up in complete body aches. I didn't know for sure what this was from because I had a strength training workout on Sunday and am still a little sore from it. So I drag myself out of bed and immediately reach for my thyroid medication and a cup of coffee. In typical bad Bamses habit I gather my books and head out the door to get to class. I can't be late for class, the professor yells when people come in late.
Once I get to class 10 minutes early, I test and discover what I was fearing - 321. Uggg. Groaning I program it into my bolus wizard giving myself 1.5 units more knowing that I was on older insulin and what usually would work may not be enough now. There that's done with and I wait to feel better. Class starts and I keep waiting. Its a 75 minute lecture, I figure by the end I should feel a little better, right?
As lecture goes on my aches get worse and I get a severe headache. I feel nauseous, dizzy and as though there is metal running through my blood vessels instead of blood and aluminum in my mouth (does any one else get a weird metal taste in their mouth when their sugar is high??). 45 minutes into lecture I test again, the insulin should have brought me down by now and if not then something is wrong. Sure enough - 324. Why didn't the insulin work? I sigh and bolus 5 more units against the recommendation of the bolus wizard. Clearly my old insulin isn't as effective as it was 5 days ago.
Lecture ends and I head home knowing that I may have to take a shot of insulin and change my infusion set. I get home, positive I was going to throw up my morning coffee and knowing I needed to test again. Five seconds later - 370. WHAT THE HELL?!?!
Furious, I rip out the infusion set and find this -
Kinked? Kinked? After 5 days, nearly 6 days and my site gets kinked? HUH??I have no idea how it happened. I do know that I kept getting snagged in my pump cord last night and maybe in that sleepy-tangle I pulled it out a little, or enough to then make the cannula kink after returning to my side.
Now back at a nice 84 blood sugar that sluggish, full body ache is gone and my circulation feels normal, as does the taste in my mouth. Thank god.
I am trying out a new site location and hope that it won't cause so much tangle in my sleep. Usually I use my thighs but I was inspired to try a new site after this morning's kinking issues. Here goes!
9.08.2008
Baad Bamses
I have been dating my current beau, Jason, for the past 20 months and, while there have been some terrible moments at the beginning, lately things have been really good. There is a lot of history between Jason and I. We dated in high school and for our first year in college (that I didn't finish) and on and off since until, well 20 months ago. Now is the time that I think we are for real, now is when I think things are meant to be and we are both putting in equal effort to finally be in a relationship that matters more than movie and dinner.
Its very neat for me to be able to say that he is someone I have known since I was seventeen and has been there for everything since, even when I couldn't be there for my self and didn't know how much his presence mattered to me. It took a lot to get there though. This didnt' just happen overnight one day where things just started working between us, oh no. It happened when I opened my eyes and realized that maybe I didn't have to keep all my thoughts to myself and that maybe telling him whats in my head, as crazy as it may be, would bring us closer. Silly huh, realizing that communication brings people closer?
I know it sounds silly and almost high school-ish. It was really hard for me to trust him though. Not just him but people in general I just don't like sharing parts of myself with. I have tried that before and always got burned, as recently as two years ago. I think that was why trusting Jason was so hard at first. Because I didn't want to show my emotions and deepest concerns and have to experience the pain that comes when a person later takes that information and uses it against you. In past relationships and friendships when there is an argument it always seems that people go right to my weaknesses that they only knew because I shared it with them.
After enough hurt I learned that sometimes its better to not share than to share and have it held against me later.
I had to break that thinking in order to get where I am now with Jason. I had to. I still have to. I know I shouldn't go around telling everyone my past mistakes and my current fears, but finally I think I have found that person who I can share that with and not worry that it will be held against me later.
Sometimes I picture what he will say before I tell him something. Like last night when I had a hard day at work and burst into tears on my lunch. I knew I needed to talk to someone who would help remove me from my sadness. I didn't honestly know if he would do that. He doesn't quite know what I do and how things work. I am still figuring those things too! But I called him, told him what happened and why I was upset and he did what he always does, talked me off my emotional ledge. Calmed me down.
After work I went back to my place, not his apartment and tried to settle down for sleep. I thought about the day and how things went and what I should/should not have done. I thought that there were more things I should tell Jason, about how I have been feeling lately with school and diabetes.
One thing I should have told him just 5 minutes ago when we spoke on the phone is how I hadn't tested all day yesterday. In fact I hadn't tested until I absolutely had to because the words in the book I was reading before bed became wavy and unfocused. When I stood up I felt like I was walking through water and momentairly thought I should call my sister who was asleep upstairs to get her help, but I didn't. Instead I tripped my way to the stash of candy left over from the pinata at my nephew's 2nd birthday and grabbed some tootsie rolls. While chewing two I searched for my glucometer and went to test only to discover that I had run out of strips and forgot to replace them. The vial of strips were still outside in my car instead of in my case. Panicking, I decided that I would just treat the low and let it be. But it just didn't seem right, so I used an old meter that uses the same test strips as the new medtronic glucometer that works with their pump (One Touch Ultra Smart, which I haven't used in about two and a half years).
Side note: right now most of my meters are at Jason's apartment as that is where I spend most of my time. I had gotten a bunch of One Touch test strips delivered from Medtronic in July but the meter was not with me as I was still using their old BD meter (with the overly large vials).
Testing on the old meter with the new strips while still chewing the the tootsie rolls I got a low number I haven't seen in a long time. 37. It could have been wrong so I checked the expiration of the strips and that the codes matched. They weren't expired and the codes matched. I went upstairs and had some juice. And some graham crackers with peanut butter (a favorite snack of mine). And some potatoe salad.
I over-corrected. A lot. I knew I over corrected. I think I did so not only from the low but also from the bad work day. By the time I had that low I hadn't eaten for over 12 hours and was absolutely starving.
Here's the kicker. I haven't tested all day today either. I can feel this diabetes funk happening. This life funk happening and I don't know how to help it. I am sticking to my working out idea thankfully, and while my energy has had a boost the past few days my motivation hasn't. Its as though my physical symptoms have become emotional ones too now. I need to find a way to help those too.
Talking to Jason will help. Before I can start with him I need to start with my self and ask some questions and give honest answers. But I can just hear what he will say. He has this habit of calling me Bams or Bamses (a weird twist on Amber). I find it helps me to know he isn't being serious. When I take this diabetes funk to him tonight I can hear "Baad Bamses!" and then a serious question following, "How can I help?"
I am trying to figure that out myself.
Its very neat for me to be able to say that he is someone I have known since I was seventeen and has been there for everything since, even when I couldn't be there for my self and didn't know how much his presence mattered to me. It took a lot to get there though. This didnt' just happen overnight one day where things just started working between us, oh no. It happened when I opened my eyes and realized that maybe I didn't have to keep all my thoughts to myself and that maybe telling him whats in my head, as crazy as it may be, would bring us closer. Silly huh, realizing that communication brings people closer?
I know it sounds silly and almost high school-ish. It was really hard for me to trust him though. Not just him but people in general I just don't like sharing parts of myself with. I have tried that before and always got burned, as recently as two years ago. I think that was why trusting Jason was so hard at first. Because I didn't want to show my emotions and deepest concerns and have to experience the pain that comes when a person later takes that information and uses it against you. In past relationships and friendships when there is an argument it always seems that people go right to my weaknesses that they only knew because I shared it with them.
After enough hurt I learned that sometimes its better to not share than to share and have it held against me later.
I had to break that thinking in order to get where I am now with Jason. I had to. I still have to. I know I shouldn't go around telling everyone my past mistakes and my current fears, but finally I think I have found that person who I can share that with and not worry that it will be held against me later.
Sometimes I picture what he will say before I tell him something. Like last night when I had a hard day at work and burst into tears on my lunch. I knew I needed to talk to someone who would help remove me from my sadness. I didn't honestly know if he would do that. He doesn't quite know what I do and how things work. I am still figuring those things too! But I called him, told him what happened and why I was upset and he did what he always does, talked me off my emotional ledge. Calmed me down.
After work I went back to my place, not his apartment and tried to settle down for sleep. I thought about the day and how things went and what I should/should not have done. I thought that there were more things I should tell Jason, about how I have been feeling lately with school and diabetes.
One thing I should have told him just 5 minutes ago when we spoke on the phone is how I hadn't tested all day yesterday. In fact I hadn't tested until I absolutely had to because the words in the book I was reading before bed became wavy and unfocused. When I stood up I felt like I was walking through water and momentairly thought I should call my sister who was asleep upstairs to get her help, but I didn't. Instead I tripped my way to the stash of candy left over from the pinata at my nephew's 2nd birthday and grabbed some tootsie rolls. While chewing two I searched for my glucometer and went to test only to discover that I had run out of strips and forgot to replace them. The vial of strips were still outside in my car instead of in my case. Panicking, I decided that I would just treat the low and let it be. But it just didn't seem right, so I used an old meter that uses the same test strips as the new medtronic glucometer that works with their pump (One Touch Ultra Smart, which I haven't used in about two and a half years).
Side note: right now most of my meters are at Jason's apartment as that is where I spend most of my time. I had gotten a bunch of One Touch test strips delivered from Medtronic in July but the meter was not with me as I was still using their old BD meter (with the overly large vials).
Testing on the old meter with the new strips while still chewing the the tootsie rolls I got a low number I haven't seen in a long time. 37. It could have been wrong so I checked the expiration of the strips and that the codes matched. They weren't expired and the codes matched. I went upstairs and had some juice. And some graham crackers with peanut butter (a favorite snack of mine). And some potatoe salad.
I over-corrected. A lot. I knew I over corrected. I think I did so not only from the low but also from the bad work day. By the time I had that low I hadn't eaten for over 12 hours and was absolutely starving.
Here's the kicker. I haven't tested all day today either. I can feel this diabetes funk happening. This life funk happening and I don't know how to help it. I am sticking to my working out idea thankfully, and while my energy has had a boost the past few days my motivation hasn't. Its as though my physical symptoms have become emotional ones too now. I need to find a way to help those too.
Talking to Jason will help. Before I can start with him I need to start with my self and ask some questions and give honest answers. But I can just hear what he will say. He has this habit of calling me Bams or Bamses (a weird twist on Amber). I find it helps me to know he isn't being serious. When I take this diabetes funk to him tonight I can hear "Baad Bamses!" and then a serious question following, "How can I help?"
I am trying to figure that out myself.
9.04.2008
Tried and Tired
I have been very tired lately. I knew I had a thyroid issue from my endo last year but never felt the effects of it until now. Last year I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and prescribed medication to treat it which I never took. After spending nearly all of August dead tired I decided that maybe I should start taking the medication and see if it would help with the constant fatigue. Which it did, for a little while. Even now, after taking it for nearly three weeks, I am still very tired a lot of the time. My muscles ache and waking up seems to be the most difficult thing of the day, not to mention falling asleep is at times equally as hard.
There have been too many changes lately to know what exactly is adding to this tired feeling. Is it a more physical job? Working later than I have worked in the last 2.5 years? Starting a yoga class and a full college course load? Trying to exercise more? Not getting enough fruits and veggies or protein? Is is the blood sugar swings that I have been having for the last 5 weeks? Sigh, see what I mean, there are a lot of reasons I could be tired.
And I am nearly too tired to try and figure out which one it is. I am guessing, really, really guessing that it is the change in schedule and routine. I am only working part time on the weekends. During the week I have classes but there is a lot of down time that I have during the day and I am nearly beside my self with what to do. I know I should be studying or cleaning or organizing but a lot of the time I am surfing the Internet or reading a magazine or wandering on campus aimlessly. Not very productive tasks in other words.
So, this is the proposal I have to myself to deal with the tiredness. Apply to join a leadership institute and a nursing club that meet regularly during the week. That way I have a set task to do that will give me a break in studying and also help improve my leadership skills and understanding of the nursing program. I am going to try to make it to the gym Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday as those days I do not have yoga and three of the four days I do not work. I hear exercise is a cure for always being tired. So here goes.
I always say I am going to blog more, but who knows about that...my trend isn't that good with blogging. Which is very funny to me. I used to write all the time and now its like pulling teeth to get my thoughts out. It has something to do with feelings of incompetence, being extremely self conscious and not wanting to be overly negative. I find that I am a naturally pessimistic person when it comes to personal matters, and I don't think that people want to always read negative reports.
There is a hand out that I was given to help with those thoughts titled "The 7 Pillars of Mindfulness" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Has anyone heard of it before? Well the pillars are basically principals that you use during meditation to help with stress reduction (in a nut-shell). I thought just for fun I would see if anyone else has heard of them. What did you think?
I will try to post them here shortly (right now the handout is buried somewhere...). That's all I have for now. Adieu.
There have been too many changes lately to know what exactly is adding to this tired feeling. Is it a more physical job? Working later than I have worked in the last 2.5 years? Starting a yoga class and a full college course load? Trying to exercise more? Not getting enough fruits and veggies or protein? Is is the blood sugar swings that I have been having for the last 5 weeks? Sigh, see what I mean, there are a lot of reasons I could be tired.
And I am nearly too tired to try and figure out which one it is. I am guessing, really, really guessing that it is the change in schedule and routine. I am only working part time on the weekends. During the week I have classes but there is a lot of down time that I have during the day and I am nearly beside my self with what to do. I know I should be studying or cleaning or organizing but a lot of the time I am surfing the Internet or reading a magazine or wandering on campus aimlessly. Not very productive tasks in other words.
So, this is the proposal I have to myself to deal with the tiredness. Apply to join a leadership institute and a nursing club that meet regularly during the week. That way I have a set task to do that will give me a break in studying and also help improve my leadership skills and understanding of the nursing program. I am going to try to make it to the gym Sunday, Monday, Wednesday and Friday as those days I do not have yoga and three of the four days I do not work. I hear exercise is a cure for always being tired. So here goes.
I always say I am going to blog more, but who knows about that...my trend isn't that good with blogging. Which is very funny to me. I used to write all the time and now its like pulling teeth to get my thoughts out. It has something to do with feelings of incompetence, being extremely self conscious and not wanting to be overly negative. I find that I am a naturally pessimistic person when it comes to personal matters, and I don't think that people want to always read negative reports.
There is a hand out that I was given to help with those thoughts titled "The 7 Pillars of Mindfulness" by Jon Kabat-Zinn. Has anyone heard of it before? Well the pillars are basically principals that you use during meditation to help with stress reduction (in a nut-shell). I thought just for fun I would see if anyone else has heard of them. What did you think?
I will try to post them here shortly (right now the handout is buried somewhere...). That's all I have for now. Adieu.
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