Terrified

I have an endo appointment later today and just got done uploading my pump to the CareLink site. I like to use the reports that can be generated there, they do an awesome job of showing trends, especially with the sensor. So, after uploading my devices and reviewing my reports I was very disappointed to see that my average glucose is floating between 170 and 190 for the last 2 to 12 weeks. More than disappointed. Terrified. And pissed. With all the lows I have been having the past 3 months you'd think that I would at least have kept my average the same as it was before - 150ish. But no.

Later today is when I will have the blood drawn for the A1c and I will get the result during my appointment. I am trying not to tell myself it will be terrible, but I have a feeling it will be. According to this online calculator (that I got from Kerri's page, thanks!) my A1c will be between 7.6 and 8.2. Ughh. Not what I wanted. Not what I hoped for.

And I just don't get it. I don't get what I am doing wrong. I know there are things I can do better, but I didn't realize that in not doing those things better I would bump my A1c up so easily in the course of 3 months. Uggg. It makes me feel sick just thinking about it. Or maybe that's the creamer in my coffee kicking in and churning my stomach. I don't know.

A part of me feels like the increased average is due to my harder attempt at working out. Because when I work out I HAVE to raise my blood sugar to at least 180 so I don't drop low during the workout. Sometimes I have raised it too high and finished a workout with my glucose in the 190s. But that only happened a few times, usually I am right at 100 or less post workout. And....

And I just don't GET IT! How am I supposed to work out but keep my blood sugar from dropping? And don't say to suspend the pump because I learned quickly that this only leads to extreme highs 2 hours post work out. Reducing my basal rates before/during exercise does something similar only I don't spike quite as high.

(If you can't tell this is the pissed side coming out)

So, here I am stuck. Not sure how to do this diabetes and workout thing right. And probably with a worse off A1c because of it. Damn.

I hate my liver

Okay so maybe I don't hate it all the time but right now I am not too pleased. So I go to work out with a starting blood sugar of 231. Great, I can push myself and not suspend the pump. Usually that's how it goes any way. I start in the 200's and end in the low 100's after a cardio.

So, today I feel extra motivated and do a full 60 minute workout. I feel a little shaky and am thinking I went too long and dropped my sugar low. Testing to confirm, I get a strange result of 223. Ok, I think, that's strange. Maybe there is something on my hands, so I wash them. Test again.

262. WHAT? Test again.

264. The nausea kicks in and I want to throw up. I have that nice metal taste in my mouth too.

I know that what probably happened is that doing a longer work out than usual stimulated my liver to secrete the evil glycogen to help my exercising muscles and that's why its high and seems to be climbing as I type. I know that this reaction is a good thing, it means my liver is working as it should. I however see it as an evil side effect. I wanted to have a great work out and feel great and have a lowered blood sugar too. Now I only get one of those goals and it doesn't seem as satisfying because of the high.

Irritating, right?